Going into this trip, my imagination focused on the externals. I was excited to see and touch and feel the places of the Holy Land. I anticipated and did some modest research. I could hardly wait to see Nazareth, Golgotha, Galilee, and all of the great places from the Gospels.
But the real pilgrimage experience God had planned for me was one of deep INNER conversion.
In my life, I have had a number of personal conversion experiences. But I honestly was not expecting this one. Nevertheless. In infinite wisdom and mercy, God knows what we need to aid in drawing us each nearer to Him. And He certainly knew what I needed at this time in my life.
In the past year, I have faced some tragic personal sufferings in the life of my family. Things which I could have never imagined have clouded every aspect of my life. In the days before the trip, I found myself feeling lost in life and without an identity. I felt like an orphan in the cosmos.
All the while I tried to remain close to God. It turns out that God was calling me to much more. He was calling me to a communion with Himself through a deep and profound union with His Trinitarian family. He wanted for me to dwell in Him...and He in me.
Because of my recent sufferings, I felt like a man without an identity. God has made it very clear to me now that he just wants me to re-define my identity as rooted in Him...to graft more fully to the vine...to truly embrace my divine sonship...to see myself not just as a member of a human family but as a member of an eternal divine family. An agape love fest if you will with Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and all the Saints.
This interior discovery is not the external experience I expected but it is certainly God's plan for me right now. I am His son. He is my Father. Mary is my mother. THAT is who I am.
And as part of my new identity, I felt inspired to begin signing my name always in lowercase...
ross dessert
Theology teacher at Bishop Miege
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